What do cancer patients want from their Doctors? A study presented at the American Society for Radiation Oncology’s annual meeting stated among other things patients want honesty about their chance for cure.

 I wonder how the question was posed to the 500 patients in their interview.

Was it, ‘True or False, Do you want your radiation oncologist to lie to you about the chance that your cancer is cured?’

Yikes! Maybe I am wrong, but do some people want the lie?

In a recent entry in the Journal of the American Medical Association, Danish scientists surveyed 3,000 women who had breast cancer surgery. About half of the women said they had pain for up to 2 years after surgery, but only 1 in 5 told their doctors about their pain.

I wonder how the question was posed to the patients. Was it ‘True or False, No pain, Right?’ 

Yikes again!

Doctors know patients lie, and patients know when they are lying to their doctors. The question is; Does everyone know they are lying to each other when it comes to pain and cancer prognosis? What would be the goal to lie?

Cancer is such a complex disease, that honesty is truly the best policy, but then again lying can be easier than the truth. It wasn’t that long ago that doctors held a bad or terminal diagnosis from a woman patient and told her husband or some other male at first. Not that long ago women kept their diagnosis to themselves so not to upset the family. How interesting that deceit has a long and growing history when it comes to the patient-doctor relationship.

What did we do with-out social networking? We lost touch with friends. Long distance phoning was expensive and people moved. We tried to stay in touch with old friends but after a few moves, decades, and name changes, old friends became lost. Enter the phenomena of social networking via FaceBook, Twitter, Myspace, LinkedIn and others, and it is no surprise that the over 50 year old female demographic is the fastest growing group in social networking. We are all finding each other and catching up! Those of us over 50 are very excited to be able to rekindle friendships. We can easily share pictures of ourselves, our kids, our pets, our homes, or our grand children with a touch of a button. Some of us are even able to scan in old photos of a sweet sixteen party, a prom, or a wedding. It is so easy to get caught up, that it can feel like time never passed. Young women today are in constant contact with friends and family. They can text, email, and Skype all the time. No bad date or bad haircut is not reported and talked about with several friends via cyberspace. It will be interesting if attrition holds true for them too. For those of us over 50 a new set of problems has arrived with social networking. Today the way to get rid of someone who turns out not to be a real friend, or we remember we never did like them, is filled with tasks: not returning their texts, emails, calls, de-friending them, or even sending an email that their social networking friendship is not for you!

What do you do when asked a question or involved in a conversation you think isn’t appropriate? Do some questions or conversations about money, sex, health, politics, family or work make you uncomfortable? Is it questions and conversations with certain people that make you squirm? What about stranger conversations like the person next to you on a long flight?

The Holidays bring us closer in proximity to strangers and family members than other times of the year. We are in lines more often, at parties, on planes and trains, and visiting. Does this proximity breed familiarity? How often have you had to say that a conversation makes you uncomfortable? How often do you change the subject matter to a conversation you feel is more appropriate? How often do you walk away, get up or leave?

Over the years I have been on long flights when seat mates have told me about their lives with-out my soliciting any information. I have heard about marriages and children and job regrets. I have heard about home conditions and business dealings and sex lives that made me use the “I am not comfortable talking with you” statement many times. I have been asked to pray with, hold hands, look at pictures, take pictures, taste food and toast drinks. Last week something new was asked of me. I was asked to witness and sign a health directive for a stranger. I told him I was not comfortable with his request. We happened to be on the same elevator.

I understand that talking with strangers is often easier than with friends or family, but a health directive? Isn’t that the conversation you want to have with your family or at least your attorney? Isn’t that a question you need to ask someone you know? I ended up feeling a bit like Scrooge in turning him down. Who else has had a similar situation?

Recently I was on a TV talk show in High Definition. It was a great opportunity, great exposure, and great for sales. It was not so great for my middle aged self esteem. I did not have a make-up artist styling my face nor did the TV studio provide one. What this means is that all my wrinkles, lines and shadows were accentuated and not favorably. 30 Rock just did a spoof on the Tina Fey character appearing in HD. It really was not far off the mark! I put the link to 30 Rock in case you missed it at the end of this post.

I can only ask myself, What was I thinking? I was going into a situation unprepared, an obvious violation of business 101. I know a great make-up artist that had I called would have helped me out in a minute, but I didn’t call. Can I blame the lighting in the studio? Can I blame the gorgeous host, young enough to be my daughter? Yes, I blame everyone and everything including myself!

Now I am obsessed with viewing TV personalities. The women on the View, how do they look so good? Nancy Grace, her eye make-up looks so beautiful. Bonnie Hunt’s skin looks great and no shadows. Oprah’s hair looks so shiny. Ellen, that girl does not look her age. As a viewer we are watching their shows, listening to what they say and not distracted by their make-up. Yes I know they all have make-up artists and great lighting and it is their shows, but I for one will not be criticizing any woman, man or animal on HD TV ever again.

 http://www.nbc.com/30-rock/video/episodes/#vid=1181727

 According to author Lee Eisenberg and his new book Shoptism, shopping is good again. Did you see his story in Parade Magazine? Just in time for the Holiday season, I am thrilled with Lee because he indorses the cost per wear formula and the ‘transform’ ourselves theory.

How many times have we all moaned about an expensive outfit we bought for a special occasion and only wore it once or twice and it is sitting in our closet going out of fashion by the hour? How many times have we looked at pictures of ourselves in said outfit and become bewildered that the transformation we were striving for was missed?

Let’s examine another example. How many days to you go to sleep? Usually that is everyday. So the sleepwear, nightgown or pajamas you wear, you wear everyday. How many times do you wear the same nightgown or pajamas because it is soft, comfortable, and makes you feel good? Would that be every night too?

How often have you put the buying of gifts for family members ahead of yourselves? How many times have you told family and friends that you don’t need anything for the holidays this year knowing they are still going to buy you something? Why not make this year different. Why not use Lee Eisenberg’s recommendations and buy and ask for what you want and need, a good night rest! Moisture wicking sleepwear can help.

Haralee.Com sleepwear offers soft, comfortable, beautiful, sexy, attractive and affordable sleepwear for all women. You deserve a good night sleep. Yes this is a bit self promoting but you also learned about an interesting author his latest book and a cost per wear formula! Shop today for a cooler tomorrow.

Talking about leftovers is a worthwhile discussion. You can find out a great deal about some one when you uncover their attitude concerning leftovers. There are not just 2 camps like one would think; those that eat them and those that do not. There is a third group made up of those that mean to eat them but never do.

From anecdotal observations, the leftover debate is not one divided by gender, age, education or sophisticated palette. Income or lack there of, can be a swaying factor for those who would normally reside in the I don’t eat leftovers camp. For those who eat leftovers, the debate can be fine tuned to how many times to eat the same meal. Is once enough or are you good for as many as it takes to finish it off? For those who do not eat leftovers are there ever exceptions like Thanksgiving dinner? For those who have eating leftovers good intentions, how long do they stay in your refrigerator at home or at work before you toss them? For all camps the question comes up about reusing the leftovers into another meal. For example, leftover roasted chicken becomes chicken burritos the next day. The third day the same roasted chicken becomes chicken salad. Is this a violation of the ‘I don’t eat leftovers’ camp doctrine? Do only ‘I eat leftovers’ users make use of the leftovers?

Are the ‘I don’t eat leftovers’ people better or worse money managers?

Are the ‘I eat leftovers’ people more responsible or lazy?

Are the ‘I meant to eat the leftovers’ people greedy or thrifty?

Am I full of it or am I just full? Thanksgiving is coming!

 How many times have friends complained about some symptoms and when you mention that it could be menopause you are told, “But I am TOO YOUNG!”??? If you are a good friend you reassure them that it is “Just” menopause. If you are a bad friend you go along with them and stay of the banks of the river Da Nile. Sometimes being a good friend is not well received and it is easier to just be a bad friend, but don’t go to that dark side, stay true to your friends and lead them down the road of menopause.

 Here are the top 10 signs that you are in menopause:

 1. Night sweats. Clammy, sticky, hot then cold waking night sweats 

2. Sleeplessness. You fall asleep but then at 2 AM you are awake, or you don’t fall asleep until 2 AM.

3. IBB. Itty Bitty Bladder. You can not sleep through the night with-out visiting the bathroom around 2 AM. See number 2.

4. Hot Flashes or Hot Surges or Hot Flushes during the day, not just under stress. You haven’t worn a turtle neck in over a year.

5. Irritability. No one can do anything fast enough, slow enough, good enough, or just enough.

6. Mood Swings. Lifetime channel makes you cry and then mad then angry then happy.

7. Trying to Help Everyone. Note that Wonder Woman was young, not in her late 40’s or early to mid 50’s.

8. Menopooch. This is not a dog. This is you tummy that no matter how many kick boxing, Pilates classes you take there is a tiny meno bump.

9. Thinning Hair. Your hair dresser is lying when he/she says everyone looses clumps of hair in the shower, and on their hair brush everyday.

10. Memory Loss. This is a reassuring list. It’s not just you. Too bad you won’t remember to tell your friends, so forward it now before you forget!

I have a neighbor who hunts as a hobby. He is a vegetarian because of health concerns. He hunts and gives us his bounty. He is a very meticulous person a very good hunter, and a great neighbor. Vegetarians and members of PETA stop reading this blog, it is not for you. Those of us who eat meat and fish, you may continue to read this blog.

The first time he brought us an antelope the kitchen ended up looking like a horror film. My adorable apron ended up looking like evidence from a murder scene. This year we were prepared for his successful hunt and implemented an efficient cut and wrap operation. Antelope meat is lean and delicious. It is wild so I don’t know what it eats but not intentional antibiotics and hormone feed. It tastes like lean beef. It does not taste like chicken.

Last year he came to our door and asked if we were sick of salmon? That would be no, to fresh wild salmon from the Pacific Ocean. Dungeness Crab? Yes he goes crabbing and shares with us after he cooks and cleans them. I did mention that he is great at his hobby. Antelope, fresh wild salmon, and Dungeness crab are delicious exotic and expensive foods. I am so lucky to have a neighbor that keeps my family in food for months. He can pursue his hobby and know it is well appreciated. How many other hobbyists can say the same? Another bird house from Cousin Fred? Another knitted toilet paper cover from Aunty Min?

 I have always been organized and never a procrastinating person. I had a plan for my career, my vacations, and my life. You can imagine my surprise when I received an invasive aggressive breast cancer diagnosis. Breast cancer was not in my plans. It wasn’t even on my radar. I was forced to open up my plan book and add a new chapter.

As breast cancer awareness month winds down I wonder how many other women felt like me? How many other families had to cancel vacations, alter their roles, or give up careers? How many other women added not a new chapter to their life but a whole new book as I did? I never would have thought that my breast cancer diagnosis would lead me to a new career path. A life threatening diagnosis can bring out different responses in different people. For me the response was to look at this life plan I had and not just edit it but start fresh. Starting my own Sleepwear Company, www.haralee.com gave me a new path, purpose and career. To be able to be my own boss, to be able to do something that helps others and to be able to give back to charity is the new plan for my life.

Change is difficult but achievable. Change in health, family, career, and income can all cause stress to a well planned order life. The joy is taking the changes and making a fuller life. I wish all breast cancer survivors the joy of survivorship in their new lives.

Last week-end was “Shop for A Cause” at Macy’s. Macy’s stores let charities sign up for a table at store entrances where the charities sold for $5.00 a coupon pass good for that day. All the proceeds went to the charity. A win-win situation. Macy’s gets more customers in their stores to use their coupons and the charities profit from the sales with little expense. I signed up the charity I am involved with, the Clara Jean Foundation, a holistic approach to breast cancer, http://www.clarajean.org/, for the day shift.

Since it was our first year we did not know what to expect. We didn’t come prepared. Next year we will be better prepared from what we learned from other charities that have done this promotion.

  Here is what we learned:

1. Dogs, especially big dogs will stop a shopper in her tracks

2. A couple of  cute teenage well mannered boys roaming the store asking customers if they need help with their packages and selling the coupons on the spot at the registers.

3. 12-13 year old determined young girls stopping and selling to customers

4. Cooking demonstrations with samples.

5. Cookies, candy, balloons, dog treats, wrist bracelets, teething cookies.

6. Bag/Coat check station

7. Resting chairs with portable TVs incase there is a game

8. Chair Massages

9. Raffle to win something, anything

10. Cheer Leaders

We have a year to come up with our plans and we will be better prepared for next year. My thoughts go to pink balloons, cheerleaders, pink cookies, breast cancer wrist bands, chair massage, and maybe even flu shots!  I am really impressed with Macy’s commitment to support not only national but local charities too. The coupons were fantastic. Boy did I get some great buys on presents for the Holidays!