Crying At Work

 

The question is when is it acceptable to cry in the work place?

 

A friend of mine has told me she is just about menopausal and she is having emotional surges like her teenagers. She is crying more frequently, and being very short tempered. While her teenagers are quick to get over their outbursts, she still reels from her own for hours. The crying is the most troublesome and hardest to hide. How many times, does my friend tell me, can she say it’s just allergies? en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crying

I have been at meetings when the subject of death is addressed when one in our group has lost a husband, wife or child to disease or suicide. A collective tearing up in these circumstances is totally acceptable. I have noticed however, that many of the men remained stoic. Crying makes people feel uncomfortable, especially in my experience, men people.

 

I have seen co-workers make harsh comments to one another in meetings. Sometimes the recipient of the unkind words is stunned into silence, like a slap. Sometimes another co-worker comes to the defense and it turns into a verbal brawl. I have seen pounding on tables, throwing back chairs, standing up and shouting, throwing papers, ripping charts off walls, and getting red in the face, but I have never seen a man reduced to tears. I am not saying this is good or bad, it is just an interesting observation from my 30 years in the drenches of corporate America.

 

I used to work with a woman who cried frequently at meetings. It was a tough company, we were in sales, and you were expected to exceed your sales goals to keep your job. Men were the bosses and morale was not a consideration. Over the ten years I knew this woman, she cried at meetings when she was criticized, or when she was praised. She also cried at the Christmas party, and when she had too much to drink. In short she was a crier. In the ten years we worked together she maintained her job but she was not advanced, viewed as not able to handle pressure, and not being able to negotiate with difficult people. I heard others throw around the word ‘Drama Queen’ when referring to her. I know many did not want to work with her because she was disruptive with her crying. Crying elicits a need to comfort for many people. It is difficult to concentrate on work if you are busy comforting the crying person.  It is also difficult to ignore a crying person and stay on task. Looking back, I think she may have been PMS, post pregnancy, or peri-menopausal. Her hormones may have been running amok, or it was just part of her personality. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crying_(song)

 

I think we have all had moments when we tear up in frustration or hurt feelings.

Not one condition or reason can be attributed to why a woman cries at work more than a man. I think a host of reasons trigger crying, menopause or hormone changes may just be some of the mix.

 

The conclusion I have reached is that it doesn’t do any one any good including the crier to cry at work. Go to the rest room, or walk outside your building, go to your car or someplace alone. Excuse yourself. Crying appears to be in the same genre as bawdy jokes. They can make some people feel uncomfortable, and give an air of an unprofessional demeanor. Don’t let your career be jeopardized by a few tears. No crying at Work!

What is your opinion?

 

 

 

Menopause Stardom

Did you ever want to be in the movies? Who hasn’t had a bit of a fantasy to see themselves on the big screen, gorgeous backgrounds, exotic locations, costumes and make-up that make you look like a real live movie star?  Yes fantasies are great.

 

 Reality is more like in the movie Tootsie when they scream “Not too close” for the camera work in shooting Dustin Hoffman as Tootsie. This week I was able to participate in some of the fun of movie making. Hot Flash Havoc, www.hotflashhavoc.com, is the name of the film being made that I am privileged to be a part of. Since it is in documentary style, I am playing myself, a middle age menopausal woman. My naturopathic physician friend Kelly Jennings, www.urbanwellnesspdx.com, is also interviewed and filmed. Kelly treats effectively, and patiently many women with menopause and breast cancer symptoms. She is also young, smart and gorgeous! So my close up is Kelly giving me an acupuncture treatment. Yes indeed, I am the woman in repose with acupuncture needles all over her face, head and neck!

 

I was also interviewed about my story, the breast cancer/menopause/entrepreneur connection. This film has a fantastic concept; educate and entertain about the condition called Menopause. The movie is still in production and I will blog about it again, and again as the release date becomes closer and my close up for stardom nears.

Passionately Pink Pumpkins for The Cure

All Pinky

Komen has a program for the month of October, breast cancer awareness month, for companies to join in fund raising by wearing Pink. www.passionatelypink.org. The goal is to set a date and anyone who wants to wear the Pink in support for the Cure donates at least $5.00.

 

We took this fund raising challenge on a different bent with Passionately Pink Pumpkins for the Cure. We had so many table top pumpkins from our garden that we decided to decorate them with pink boa feathers and sell them as Passionately Pink Pumpkins for the Cure. Of course we wore pink in more of a Halloween/costume theme and had pink lemonade and pink cupcakes, because what is a pink fund raiser with-out pink cake?

 

The response was great and we raised $150.00 from our afternoon efforts. Next year we are planning for bigger response, more lead time and more cupcakes. No guarantee that the garden will produce an abundance of pumpkins again, but we can adapt with Passionately Pink Potatoes for the Cure, or even Passionately Pink Parsley for the Cure. We have a year to passionately plan.

 

My lovely dress was bought at the local Goodwill for $5.95. This was hand sewn and must have been a bride’s maid dress. The puffy sleeves and the bow in the back are the tell tale signs. A friend was looking for a princess dress just like mine to wear at the request of her 2 little boys for Halloween.  I am delighted to loan it to her for the evening because I know how difficult it is to find a passionately pink taffeta dress when you need one!

Hot Flash Voting

A friend of mine in another state told me she votes by mail because while in the voting booth, she gets a wee bit anxious and her anxiety triggers hot flashes.

 

Here in the state of Oregon, all voting is done by mail. Don’t want to mail your ballot, drop off boxes are located at libraries.  In tallying up the ballots, many of the workers wear gloves because some of the ballots are covered with food. Some of the ballots are hard to read because of coffee stains. The ballots come out 2 weeks before the election and people are at their leisure casting their vote. This is code for they may be eating at the same time.

 

My friend thinks Oregon is on to some thing great with their vote by mail. I personally miss the excitement of voting in person. I would suffer a day full of hot flashes to go to a voting booth. I always wanted to be one of those ladies outside the voting booth who takes your ballot. They always looked like they were having fun, eating cookies and coffee and talking with each other. They would scornfully look up the precinct when people didn’t know where to vote. I was asked once with perfect scorn “you don’t know what precinct you are in?”  Oh how I wanted that job!

 

Unless I move to another State or Oregon goes back to voting in person, my life career goal is gone, obsolete. The best I can do is stand in front of a drop off box sipping coffee eating cookies and hope someone will ask me the location of the box so I can make some scornful reply! 

On Line Community Goes Live

     Ever wonder what bloggers really look like from your favorite social net work sites? I am not talking about the posed picture they have next to their name, if that truly is their name, but a picture of what they look like when they are blogging. Many bloggers hit their favorite sites early in the morning or late at night, and don’t use their web cam for a reason!

 

     One of my favorite social networking sites is Women Etcetera, www.womenetcetera.com.

This site is geared for the woman over 50. It is a voice with topics on health, business, ‘Today in Herstory’, articles and of course blogs. This on line community is a wonderful group of women “embracing transitions and change”. They use their real names and write from their hearts. They are also brave enough to have a picture of themselves blogging.

 

     Like other online communities, Women Etcetera members want to meet each other in the flesh. They want to meet the other women that they now call friends. The first Women Etcetera conference was recently held in Pittsburgh, PA. It was so successful that the second full day conference will be November 15, 2008 in Raleigh, North Carolina.

If you can’t make it, check out the web site and join this wonderful virtual community.

 

 

Tie One On for The Giving Season

National Tie One on Day, an apron of course, is November 26, 2008. EllynAnne Geisel of Apron Memories, www.apronmemories.com, started this giving day tradition the day before Thanksgiving three years ago. She encourages embracing a “giving opportunity that has nothing to do with shopping or even getting into a car, but everything to do with our recognition of gratefulness  and our ability to give to someone in need of spiritual or physical sustenance.”

EllynAnne goes on to say “Women clad in aprons have traditionally prepared the Thanksgiving meal and it is with in our historical linkage to share our bounty”

 

 EllynAnne has become the patron saint of the Apron.

She writes about aprons, www.apronchronicles.com, exhibits aprons, and sews and sells aprons on her web site. Her aprons have become famous with the Desperate Housewives character Bree wearing one, to the recent article in Vogue magazine.

 

When I came across the Apron Memories site I was infatuated. My very first sewing project was an apron, and I have loved them and sewing ever since. After I read about EllynAnne’s ‘Tie One On Day’, I knew I had to get the word out. Join me and other apron wearing women spreading thanks the day before Thanksgiving.

Seeing Red

The first Ladies know the Power of Red

The Original Red Power Dress

Red is a powerful color. It is a color that gets your attention. It is associated with seduction, romance, and now a study from the University of Rochester shows men find women wearing red more attractive.

 

 

 

The study on men measured the affects of color in assessing a woman’s attractiveness, and red won. An interesting point from the study says that the men “were unaware that the color red turns them on”.

 

Don’t ask me why research and time was allotted to this study. I am just commenting on the results because red is my favorite color.

 

Pictures of the US Senate and Congress show many women members wearing red suits. Do they get along better with their male counterparts when dressed in Red? I thought it was just a powerful color, not easily overlooked before I read this study. If men find women wearing red more attractive a conclusion can be made that they will cooperate and collaborate more with their female counterparts.

 

Case in point, when President Elect Obama and Mrs. Obama met at the White House with President Bush and Mrs. Bush, both wives were in red dresses. Conclusions can be made that if you are a woman and need to get along with men, wear red. Going to a party and don’t know many people, wear red. A social or business meeting with not your favorite people, wear red. Mrs. Bush, Mrs. Obama, and Mrs. Claus know to wear red!

What We Did Before Social Networking

What did we do with-out social networking? We lost touch with friends. Long distance phoning was expensive and people moved. We tried to stay in touch with old friends but after a few moves, decades, and name changes, old friends became lost. Enter the phenomena of social networking via FaceBook, Twitter, Myspace, LinkedIn and others, and it is no surprise that the over 50 year old female demographic is the fastest growing group in social networking. We are all finding each other and catching up! Those of us over 50 are very excited to be able to rekindle friendships. We can easily share pictures of ourselves, our kids, our pets, our homes, or our grand children with a touch of a button. Some of us are even able to scan in old photos of a sweet sixteen party, a prom, or a wedding. It is so easy to get caught up, that it can feel like time never passed. Young women today are in constant contact with friends and family. They can text, email, and Skype all the time. No bad date or bad haircut is not reported and talked about with several friends via cyberspace. It will be interesting if attrition holds true for them too. For those of us over 50 a new set of problems has arrived with social networking. Today the way to get rid of someone who turns out not to be a real friend, or we remember we never did like them, is filled with tasks: not returning their texts, emails, calls, de-friending them, or even sending an email that their social networking friendship is not for you!

Questions and Conversations, Appropriate or Not?

What do you do when asked a question or involved in a conversation you think isn’t appropriate? Do some questions or conversations about money, sex, health, politics, family or work make you uncomfortable? Is it questions and conversations with certain people that make you squirm? What about stranger conversations like the person next to you on a long flight?

The Holidays bring us closer in proximity to strangers and family members than other times of the year. We are in lines more often, at parties, on planes and trains, and visiting. Does this proximity breed familiarity? How often have you had to say that a conversation makes you uncomfortable? How often do you change the subject matter to a conversation you feel is more appropriate? How often do you walk away, get up or leave?

Over the years I have been on long flights when seat mates have told me about their lives with-out my soliciting any information. I have heard about marriages and children and job regrets. I have heard about home conditions and business dealings and sex lives that made me use the “I am not comfortable talking with you” statement many times. I have been asked to pray with, hold hands, look at pictures, take pictures, taste food and toast drinks. Last week something new was asked of me. I was asked to witness and sign a health directive for a stranger. I told him I was not comfortable with his request. We happened to be on the same elevator.

I understand that talking with strangers is often easier than with friends or family, but a health directive? Isn’t that the conversation you want to have with your family or at least your attorney? Isn’t that a question you need to ask someone you know? I ended up feeling a bit like Scrooge in turning him down. Who else has had a similar situation?

Woman Business Entrepreneur Learns the Reality of HD TV

Recently I was on a TV talk show in High Definition. It was a great opportunity, great exposure, and great for sales. It was not so great for my middle aged self esteem. I did not have a make-up artist styling my face nor did the TV studio provide one. What this means is that all my wrinkles, lines and shadows were accentuated and not favorably. 30 Rock just did a spoof on the Tina Fey character appearing in HD. It really was not far off the mark! I put the link to 30 Rock in case you missed it at the end of this post.

I can only ask myself, What was I thinking? I was going into a situation unprepared, an obvious violation of business 101. I know a great make-up artist that had I called would have helped me out in a minute, but I didn’t call. Can I blame the lighting in the studio? Can I blame the gorgeous host, young enough to be my daughter? Yes, I blame everyone and everything including myself!

Now I am obsessed with viewing TV personalities. The women on the View, how do they look so good? Nancy Grace, her eye make-up looks so beautiful. Bonnie Hunt’s skin looks great and no shadows. Oprah’s hair looks so shiny. Ellen, that girl does not look her age. As a viewer we are watching their shows, listening to what they say and not distracted by their make-up. Yes I know they all have make-up artists and great lighting and it is their shows, but I for one will not be criticizing any woman, man or animal on HD TV ever again.

 http://www.nbc.com/30-rock/video/episodes/#vid=1181727

Shopping is a Good Thing Again

 According to author Lee Eisenberg and his new book Shoptism, shopping is good again. Did you see his story in Parade Magazine? Just in time for the Holiday season, I am thrilled with Lee because he indorses the cost per wear formula and the ‘transform’ ourselves theory.

How many times have we all moaned about an expensive outfit we bought for a special occasion and only wore it once or twice and it is sitting in our closet going out of fashion by the hour? How many times have we looked at pictures of ourselves in said outfit and become bewildered that the transformation we were striving for was missed?

Let’s examine another example. How many days to you go to sleep? Usually that is everyday. So the sleepwear, nightgown or pajamas you wear, you wear everyday. How many times do you wear the same nightgown or pajamas because it is soft, comfortable, and makes you feel good? Would that be every night too?

How often have you put the buying of gifts for family members ahead of yourselves? How many times have you told family and friends that you don’t need anything for the holidays this year knowing they are still going to buy you something? Why not make this year different. Why not use Lee Eisenberg’s recommendations and buy and ask for what you want and need, a good night rest! Moisture wicking sleepwear can help.

Haralee.Com sleepwear offers soft, comfortable, beautiful, sexy, attractive and affordable sleepwear for all women. You deserve a good night sleep. Yes this is a bit self promoting but you also learned about an interesting author his latest book and a cost per wear formula! Shop today for a cooler tomorrow.

The Debate About Leftovers

Talking about leftovers is a worthwhile discussion. You can find out a great deal about some one when you uncover their attitude concerning leftovers. There are not just 2 camps like one would think; those that eat them and those that do not. There is a third group made up of those that mean to eat them but never do.

From anecdotal observations, the leftover debate is not one divided by gender, age, education or sophisticated palette. Income or lack there of, can be a swaying factor for those who would normally reside in the I don’t eat leftovers camp. For those who eat leftovers, the debate can be fine tuned to how many times to eat the same meal. Is once enough or are you good for as many as it takes to finish it off? For those who do not eat leftovers are there ever exceptions like Thanksgiving dinner? For those who have eating leftovers good intentions, how long do they stay in your refrigerator at home or at work before you toss them? For all camps the question comes up about reusing the leftovers into another meal. For example, leftover roasted chicken becomes chicken burritos the next day. The third day the same roasted chicken becomes chicken salad. Is this a violation of the ‘I don’t eat leftovers’ camp doctrine? Do only ‘I eat leftovers’ users make use of the leftovers?

Are the ‘I don’t eat leftovers’ people better or worse money managers?

Are the ‘I eat leftovers’ people more responsible or lazy?

Are the ‘I meant to eat the leftovers’ people greedy or thrifty?

Am I full of it or am I just full? Thanksgiving is coming!

Girlfriends’ Guide to Menopause

 How many times have friends complained about some symptoms and when you mention that it could be menopause you are told, “But I am TOO YOUNG!”??? If you are a good friend you reassure them that it is “Just” menopause. If you are a bad friend you go along with them and stay of the banks of the river Da Nile. Sometimes being a good friend is not well received and it is easier to just be a bad friend, but don’t go to that dark side, stay true to your friends and lead them down the road of menopause.

 Here are the top 10 signs that you are in menopause:

 1. Night sweats. Clammy, sticky, hot then cold waking night sweats 

2. Sleeplessness. You fall asleep but then at 2 AM you are awake, or you don’t fall asleep until 2 AM.

3. IBB. Itty Bitty Bladder. You can not sleep through the night with-out visiting the bathroom around 2 AM. See number 2.

4. Hot Flashes or Hot Surges or Hot Flushes during the day, not just under stress. You haven’t worn a turtle neck in over a year.

5. Irritability. No one can do anything fast enough, slow enough, good enough, or just enough.

6. Mood Swings. Lifetime channel makes you cry and then mad then angry then happy.

7. Trying to Help Everyone. Note that Wonder Woman was young, not in her late 40’s or early to mid 50’s.

8. Menopooch. This is not a dog. This is you tummy that no matter how many kick boxing, Pilates classes you take there is a tiny meno bump.

9. Thinning Hair. Your hair dresser is lying when he/she says everyone looses clumps of hair in the shower, and on their hair brush everyday.

10. Memory Loss. This is a reassuring list. It’s not just you. Too bad you won’t remember to tell your friends, so forward it now before you forget!

Where the Deer and the Antelope are Eaten

I have a neighbor who hunts as a hobby. He is a vegetarian because of health concerns. He hunts and gives us his bounty. He is a very meticulous person a very good hunter, and a great neighbor. Vegetarians and members of PETA stop reading this blog, it is not for you. Those of us who eat meat and fish, you may continue to read this blog.

The first time he brought us an antelope the kitchen ended up looking like a horror film. My adorable apron ended up looking like evidence from a murder scene. This year we were prepared for his successful hunt and implemented an efficient cut and wrap operation. Antelope meat is lean and delicious. It is wild so I don’t know what it eats but not intentional antibiotics and hormone feed. It tastes like lean beef. It does not taste like chicken.

Last year he came to our door and asked if we were sick of salmon? That would be no, to fresh wild salmon from the Pacific Ocean. Dungeness Crab? Yes he goes crabbing and shares with us after he cooks and cleans them. I did mention that he is great at his hobby. Antelope, fresh wild salmon, and Dungeness crab are delicious exotic and expensive foods. I am so lucky to have a neighbor that keeps my family in food for months. He can pursue his hobby and know it is well appreciated. How many other hobbyists can say the same? Another bird house from Cousin Fred? Another knitted toilet paper cover from Aunty Min?

Living An Unplanned Life

 I have always been organized and never a procrastinating person. I had a plan for my career, my vacations, and my life. You can imagine my surprise when I received an invasive aggressive breast cancer diagnosis. Breast cancer was not in my plans. It wasn’t even on my radar. I was forced to open up my plan book and add a new chapter.

As breast cancer awareness month winds down I wonder how many other women felt like me? How many other families had to cancel vacations, alter their roles, or give up careers? How many other women added not a new chapter to their life but a whole new book as I did? I never would have thought that my breast cancer diagnosis would lead me to a new career path. A life threatening diagnosis can bring out different responses in different people. For me the response was to look at this life plan I had and not just edit it but start fresh. Starting my own Sleepwear Company, www.haralee.com gave me a new path, purpose and career. To be able to be my own boss, to be able to do something that helps others and to be able to give back to charity is the new plan for my life.

Change is difficult but achievable. Change in health, family, career, and income can all cause stress to a well planned order life. The joy is taking the changes and making a fuller life. I wish all breast cancer survivors the joy of survivorship in their new lives.

Macy’s Steps Up its Charity Presence

Last week-end was “Shop for A Cause” at Macy’s. Macy’s stores let charities sign up for a table at store entrances where the charities sold for $5.00 a coupon pass good for that day. All the proceeds went to the charity. A win-win situation. Macy’s gets more customers in their stores to use their coupons and the charities profit from the sales with little expense. I signed up the charity I am involved with, the Clara Jean Foundation, a holistic approach to breast cancer, http://www.clarajean.org/, for the day shift.

Since it was our first year we did not know what to expect. We didn’t come prepared. Next year we will be better prepared from what we learned from other charities that have done this promotion.

  Here is what we learned:

1. Dogs, especially big dogs will stop a shopper in her tracks

2. A couple of  cute teenage well mannered boys roaming the store asking customers if they need help with their packages and selling the coupons on the spot at the registers.

3. 12-13 year old determined young girls stopping and selling to customers

4. Cooking demonstrations with samples.

5. Cookies, candy, balloons, dog treats, wrist bracelets, teething cookies.

6. Bag/Coat check station

7. Resting chairs with portable TVs incase there is a game

8. Chair Massages

9. Raffle to win something, anything

10. Cheer Leaders

We have a year to come up with our plans and we will be better prepared for next year. My thoughts go to pink balloons, cheerleaders, pink cookies, breast cancer wrist bands, chair massage, and maybe even flu shots!  I am really impressed with Macy’s commitment to support not only national but local charities too. The coupons were fantastic. Boy did I get some great buys on presents for the Holidays!

Will you dress up for Halloween and Breast Cancer this Year?

 October is breast cancer awareness month and as the month advances, more thought is given to Halloween than Breast Cancer. What if we combined the two? How about dressing up as the pink ribbon, or the pink crusader? What about Racey for the Cure all in Pink? Of course Pink Fairies, Pink Queens, Pink Witches, Little BoPink are all viable combination options. Will you dress in costume for work? On October 16th, American Airlines is encouraging their employees to dress up in pink for the cure. Susan G Komen for the Cure has a program, “Passionately Pink for the Cure”. This program encourages companies to fund raise, show your passion for the cure and manifest it by wearing of the pink. Sounds like a pink Halloween party to me! Kids, or grandkids, are never too young to instill social responsibility and still have fun. Why not a pink theme family holiday? Many schools no longer have Halloween parties but have harvest festivals. Can you see pink scarecrow costumes, pink farmers, pink Dorothy with the red slippers? Adorable! Have fun and support breast cancer awareness through-out October.